Mema vs Cancer

Today at around noon, my 81 year old Mema will be fighting the ultimate fight as surgeons attempt to remove a section of her ascending colon due to the return of cancer. She has been 12 years cancer free until about a month ago when a test came back abnormal.

Now, I have mixed feelings about all of this. I was not around during her first may-lay with cancer. I was in college and my family chose to keep from me the direness of her situation. At that time the doctor had only given her 30 days to live. That was then, this is now.  I'm scared, worried, confused, frustrated... and the list can go on and on... but I'm also grateful, hopeful, and planning like tomorrow will be just another day.

All this week my devotionals have been about trust, handling loneliness in difficult situations, what to do when you dont understand why, etc. Which tells me there is an all-knowing power who does watch over us and gives us the emotional support when we need it. Now, does that mean I go into this with an over abundance of 'yes everything will work out'? Nope. One thing I realized this morning is that, you can have faith and still have concerns, doubts and fears. Just because I'm trying to trust God to handle this doesnt mean I have it all figured out or that I want my family & I to have to go through this. In fact there have been many times on this particular journey where I've said 'Nope, God I cant do this anymore. I cant deal with that and this anymore. Just no.' But, God already know this. He knows where my limits are, and while He tries to push those limits of faith & trust, He knows our breaking point. He did not make us to be perfect. He made us to worship Him in all we do while giving us the choice of freewill to do it. Because when you get to know someone because you want to, not because you are made to, that relationship is so much sweeter, stronger, and lasting.

I dont know what's going to happen today. I hope everything goes as perfect as it can. But either way, the sun will still rise tomorrow. Life will still move forward. Any pain will still be present and have to be dealt with and people will come and go.

Because I'm going to post this on several places, if you dont believe in God or an omniscient being, that's your journey to tow and I respect that. All I'm asking of anyone who reads this is to say a quick prayer or send a positive thought towards my family and I this week, as we follow along our journey. And if you see me the rest of this week, I would really appreciate a bear hug.